kidding around

Comment by anna

April 17, 2008 @ 2:48 pm

You stated this perfectly. What about the golden rule? It should not matter the age.

My husband and I were talking about how people excuse their children’s behavior by saying, “That’s just how sisters/brothers treat each other”. It’s only how they treat each other because you* allow them to do it.

*Not you specifically, but you know what I mean.

Comment by Tine

April 17, 2008 @ 3:23 pm

You said it well!
It is not right to allow children to behave that badly. They should be taught how to respect other peoples feelings.
I’m tired of it too….

Comment by Bethany

April 17, 2008 @ 3:42 pm

Amen, preach it sister! I am so sorry she is having to deal with that. And so sad to think of the ache you must feel watching her go through it. Love you guys!

Comment by Courtney

April 17, 2008 @ 4:23 pm

if anyone is mean to that little cutie, I’ll clobber her!

Comment by Jenna

April 17, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

So sorry for her and for you. These things keep me up at night sometimes with worry. So very unfair. It’s a steep learning curve for everyone when dealing with meanness. On the bright side, she is beautiful and so is her shirt.

Comment by ana lilia

April 17, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

Thank you! I know exactly how you feel about that! I’m sorry your daughter is going through that kind of treatment. I, too, worry about my own little girl, because even as young as kindergarten, she tells me stories of that kind of treatment from the children (most often little girls) in her grade. It’s usually her being bullied by her own friends not to be friends with other friends for no good reason! I can only hope that my daughter learns from the advice I give to her and I think she does from what she tells me. My little girl is very sensitive and she constantly deals with that herself, but I’m glad to say that she’s willing to stick up for herself and stand by her good friends.

Comment by Allison

April 17, 2008 @ 5:54 pm

Oh, poor Elly. I am sure she is greatly comforted by your love and support, which will in turn help her to understand that kindness is the better way to go.

It actually hurts you inside to see your kids struggle like this and I feel for you.

I also worry that Tilly will learn the wrong things when she is exposed to such mean behaviour.

And you are right. It shouldn’t be just written off with the excuse “kids will be kids”. The parents need to be there guiding them through, directing them down a better path.

Best wishes for you and Elly, my thoughts are with you.

Comment by Shannon

April 17, 2008 @ 7:04 pm

Ahhhh…whay to say about this issue. I hated this stuff when I was a little girl. I can only imagine how I will feel when my 2 year old little girls start having to deal with it. The funny thing is that I thought it stopped in grade school. Not so I have learned in the last few years. If only we would hold our children AND ourselves accountable. The world would be a happier place!

I hope your little princess learns to rise above the pettiness and see her true value and worth.

Comment by ShackelMom

April 17, 2008 @ 9:54 pm

Ugh. At least Ellie is letting you know and you can comfort her and tell her the truth about herself. Fifth grade was agony for me and I don’t think I said anything until much later. Girls can be so mean, fickle and so territorial. Can a teacher do anything? Talk to the parents of the meanies? My heart goes out to both of you!

Comment by xenia kathryn

April 17, 2008 @ 9:55 pm

Your girl is so beautiful and (from what I gather) so sweet. Man… I naively forget that kids can be so brutal at such a young age. I can’t imagine how I’ll deal with this when my girls are grown…!!!

Comment by Ariana

April 18, 2008 @ 1:11 am

Unfortunately, I agree with Shannon, that somehow this behavior among females doesn’t seem to end! I have spent a lot of time thinking about why girls and women need to have so much control/ dominance over relationships and one another. I think if Ellie can learn some good lessons about grace, compassion and personal strength through this, it will take her far in her future relationships, and she will be a lady that people will be drawn to.

Comment by chris gonzales-aden

April 18, 2008 @ 1:48 am

A dad here. Carol, please give Ellie a hug from us. I think your right on sending out this to a grown up audience. WE are the ones they model from. And when a child responds in an uncaring way towards another child it is our job to help correct them. So they can learn and do a better job next time. Give her some extra mommy time during this time and I think it will help soothe both of you. Christy and Elea had a spa night one night. Pablo and I went out to dinner and they stayed home and took bathes and painted their toenails. Elea was glowing when we got back. I think it will help put the stuff at school in more of a context of “crummy things happen inside my other wise loving world” instead of the crummy things being the context by which everything else is viewed. (side note: my spellcheck doesn’t go off on the word “crummy” - weird huh!. God’s Blessings and joyous Pascha.

Comment by Sarah

April 18, 2008 @ 9:17 am

My daughter is 2.5, and I worry about this already!!!! I want to clobber those girls, and Ellie isn’t even my daughter. If I were you, I would write a nice litle anonymous note to each of the girl’s parents telling them exactly what their precious princesses are up to. Try not to fret, and just hope that as she gets older, the confidence you have instilled in her will shine through.

Comment by erin

April 18, 2008 @ 10:46 am

it’s true. you have to make sure your kids know the right way to behave. this is something i work on all the time - i was bullied as a child and i do not want my kids ever treating anyone like i was treated.

Comment by Gretchen

April 18, 2008 @ 2:01 pm

I remember keenly how it feels to be bullied by other girls and I also remember dishing it out once or twice. Yuck!
Ellie, Simon and Penny are going to grow up to be adults with character and grace because of how you and Nathan are raising them. You are a great mom Carol.

Comment by hillary

April 18, 2008 @ 2:56 pm

everyone has already such a great things so I’ll just pipe in with a xo for ellie. it sucks that such a smart sweet girl has to be dealing with this.

have you read that queen bee moms book? it’s on my terrified to be the mom of a girl books to read list.

Comment by Mai

April 18, 2008 @ 3:40 pm

sending lots of love for you and your daughter from me and my 2 girls. people need to understand that sticks and stones may break bones but words last forever — bones heal.

xoxo from Kansas City

Comment by Melissa

April 18, 2008 @ 8:23 pm

My oldest daughter is the girl who is friends with everyone no matter what and when a new girl came and started lies about my daughter, I was seriously upset. Don’t mess with me because I was the kid that got picked on every single day of my life from K thru college so I want to teach my children to love everyone AND to stick up for others who are getting their feelings hurt. My oldest daughter has come home telling me stories about kids picking on others and what she did to help the one hurt. I’m so proud of her! I hope my other two grow up like her in this character.

Comment by Madre Adoptiva

April 19, 2008 @ 11:03 am

Girls can be so mean. I’m so sorry you guys are at the brunt of the meanness. You’re right, more children do need to be held accountable for their actions.

Comment by Kimberly Lennert

April 20, 2008 @ 9:35 am

Hugs to Ellie! A good reminder for us all. Unfortunately, I see adults that are exclusive, take pleasure in watching someone struggle, act out of jealousy etc. It does start with us.

Comment by Jennifer

May 13, 2008 @ 5:37 pm

How did I miss this post? This was so well said and so needed. I wish I could print it out and send it home to every parent at my childs school. I don’t understand why some people refuse to parent their kids. It’s up to us to teach and redirect them. I am so sorry your girl is having a hard time. I remember getting picked on for a while at school until my big brother took matters into his own hands:)