kidding around

Comment by Bee

September 5, 2006 @ 9:43 pm

Wow! “pretty darn lonely” made me cry. It is exactly right! I have friends without kids who always give this slightly critical look that they are trying to hide. As I have thought about it these last few weeks, I have realized the main issue is that IT NEVER STOPS! We are parents 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! And even when we try to carve out time to refuel, there is always some nagging thought or guilt in the fact that we aren’t these perfect, loving parents we want so badly to be. We want, so much, to be consistent in our love and discipline, and it looks like it shouldn’t be that hard to do if you are observing from the outside… but it isn’t so easy when your obsorbed in it and never have any room to gather your wits about you. I have realized that connecting with other moms on the internet has really helped me, both by giving me a way to connect with some other creative adults, and also by helping me realize that I am not alone in the challenge of raising kids.

So what you have made me think about is: what are the special ways that I connect with my kids? I think it is so cool that you actually invite the kids to help you in the kitchen. Daniel usually is the one to let them help out in the kitchen, but I go crazy and can’t think… so I am amazed that you can do it! I play Legos with my boy. It was pretty boring tonight because I couldn’t find the pieces I wanted, but I really like his big duplo set and connecting it with the marble roller coaster “lego” set he has…. so much fun! Anyway, thank you for sharing pictures of your special time connecting. It looks like the family really enjoyed it! It sounds wonderful.

Comment by Robyn

September 6, 2006 @ 8:25 am

My son is only two, but I’m glad you mentioned the helping in the kitchen. He loves to help with the dishes, help me cook, etc. And he does help teach me patience because I’m not the best cook in the world and often things I cook turn out good, but don’t look anything like or nearly as good as the picture; when he helps me, I really have to see it as teaching moments and bonding moments and force myself to not be upset about flour all over the floor or not being sure how much chilli podwer there actually is in the bowl because my son poured some more in while I wasn’t really watching. I want him to enjoy cooking, to love to help and I don’t want to push him away before he’s ready for me to.

And the parenting bit about being lonely, yes. One thing that has helped me is that I’ve always been a person who enjoyed my own company and never really had more than one or two close friends. I just didn’t want to be around people who weren’t going to be true, loyal and there a very few of those people around. Now, as a mom, I sometimes wish the mom down the street who stays home with her daughter was my friend, but then I also like the fact that there is no obligation for us to hang out. I would feel guilty if we were friends because I imagine she would want to hang out a lot and I’m just not that way. Yes, I enjoy company and friendship, but I also enjoy that I can do things at my own pace in my house and I don’t have to check in with someone. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I think it’s one reason why I really enjoy blogs and “meeting” the people I have. I can delurk, I can email when I want, I don’t have to worry about a friend dropping by out of the blue when all I wanted to do was sit in my pajamas, drink my coffee, not brush my teeth for a bit, and hang out with my kids.

Comment by madmommy

September 6, 2006 @ 10:45 am

The loneliness is so true. My munchkin is 15 mo, and he’s the only child we have, so it’s hard for people to understand why I’m so tired all the time, and how could I possibly be lonely?
But it’s such a full-time job, and largely unpaid, and almost always unsung. I love coming into Bloglines to reconnect, and my blog has been such a wonderful connection with the world. A connection that is always on, always there. I have so many mommy friends all over the world, it helps me to forget that I spend a great deal of my day with a small child who only knows “mama” “dada” and “uh oh”!

Comment by tanja

September 6, 2006 @ 11:27 am

I am not a mother but the right age and I learn alot from reading blogs by moms. I was struck by the fact that you said it was lonely on top of all the other things. As a non-mom I can at least say that I am in awe of mothers. and not just the ‘perfect’ ones. I worry about becoming a mother and I think that indicates that it is a major accomplishment to succeed at being a mother.

Comment by Mimi

September 6, 2006 @ 1:48 pm

it’s so humbling and not perfect all of the time and pretty darn lonely.

Amen.

Comment by Paula

September 6, 2006 @ 4:41 pm

Hi Carol,

Simon is so dear! I could see him behind the altar Sunday, looking so cute. With kids a little bit older than yours, I remember that intense loneliness. I guess it comes from leaving a stimulating world of work, art and friends and being plunged overnight, it seems, into a world of child-level conversation. Now in my 14th year of motherhood, I’m accustomed to the fact that I will never sleep soundly again as long as I have a child in the world whom I am responsible for. But the conversation is improving, and what a delight to be able to be enchanted and amused by the heart and mind of a teenager! Then, I couldn’t envision any relief from the constant demands of babies and toddlers. I could only think as far ahead as the next nap. Now, I see how life is truly like sand in an hourglass, and I can’t grab it like a rope and hold onto it, I just have to be so aware of it that I won’t possibly forget the sweetness of it.

Comment by Li Wu

September 6, 2006 @ 5:49 pm

Yes, yes, yes! I also grew up with all girls and sometimes I don’t have a clue what my almost-2-yr-old son is thinking! Thank you for the inspiration; I will pay more attention and try to find things we mother/son can do together.

I’m totally with you on the lonely aspect of being a at-home mom. I remember reading your post about your move and bursting into tears when I got to “Still miss having good friends. I feel pretty alone most of the time.” I moved from Boston to Seattle 6 years ago and left a good friend there. We have lost touch, and I haven’t felt that kind of close connection since…

By the way, great blog! I don’t comment much but I have been enjoying reading your posts. What a lovely family.